Red Tips.

I colored the tips of my hair red. And I'm digging it.

That's all. :)

 

Summer shopping and SUSHI!

Aubs and I did a little shopping yesterday. And ate some SUSHI! Sushi has officially replaced Thai as my very most favorite food. In fact -- I'm not sure there is anything in life that makes me happier than eating sushi. Seriously.

I bought a couple of summer outfits yesterday. Nothing too snazzy, but . . . well . . . see for yourself.

After that last pic, Aubrey decided that she wanted to do another one like it with her in the shot because we are "twins" (we now have very similar outfits) . . .

As you may be able to tell . . . I have a serious aversion to taking pictures where I'm not making some sort of face. I really don't know why. I simply can't do it. Here's another example (taken with my webcam. Man I'm starting to love that thing.)

And here is a really blurry picture that Aubrey attempted to take while we were waiting for our sushi to arrive.

And for those of you out there who apparently think I'm ugly (or think I think I'm ugly -- or whatever), you can suck it! :) And stop checking my blog . . .

Mean.

I know I've said it before, but I just need to say once more how amazing my sisters are. My little sister is one of my very best friends.

We spent the day in Idaho Falls today. We did a little shopping and a lot of hanging out. Plus we saw this guy . . .

Aubrey and I were chilling out on a couch in front of a tv they had set up. We were just talking about getting up because we felt like "bums" when we saw that guy. His wife must've been taking a little too long. He was passed out in that chair.

I envied him.

Aubs and I took a few pics of our own. I'll go ahead and share them. ;)

Well . . . I'll share two of them. ;)

Also, I thought I would share this song.

 

And I'll leave you with this thought:

:) Love it.

Letting Go.

I sat down with a pen and paper to jot down a few thoughts that are rolling around in my head. I found myself completely dissatisfied. So I opened up a word document and jotted them down there. Still no satisfaction. So now I am turning to my blog. I hope I find whatever release I am searching for here.

Have you ever experienced that moment in your life where you realize you need to let something go? Not necessarily "go" as in "gone forever". It could mean that you just need to let a certain aspect of it go. Such as the situation surrounding said object. Not necessarily the object itself. Confusing? I'll explain. Well, I'll sort of explain.

I was going through my text messages tonight. (Something I haven't done in forever, but was inspired to do tonight due to unrelenting boredom.) I decided to read through a thread from a certain boy from my past. He's from my past, but he's still a part of my present, too. I'm really not sure how detailed to get on here about this situation. I guess I'll play it by ear.

Going through those text stirred up so many emotions. The first emotion was happiness. It made me so happy to read these messages again and remember what it was like to receive them. I remembered how big the smile that would cross my face was. And it would totally stick. My grandparents were constantly asking me what was making me such a "happy girl", and I knew the answer was this boy. And how could I NOT be happy with texts like this coming in? (I'm going to share a few of the actual texts we exchanged.)

Him (before we actually met): I just want to say, for just talking with you on the phone, you're probably the most interesting and fun person I've had the pleasure of getting to know. I cannot wait for the day to actually finally meet you.

*

Him (after I asked what the status of our relationship was in his perspective): Ummm, I would have to say I would be a little upset if you were to go out with someone else. You're a good catch and I would imagine you have a ton of people vying for you affection.

*



This is a conversation that took place after I let him beat me at a game of Words With Friends:

Him: Trophy please. And what would the loser like? The loser is you, by the way, because you lost. Like just now.

Me: You're right. You're right. I lost. What would I like? You.

Him: Yeah, but you can't really get what you already have!

*

Him: Hell yeah, we do! We click like a broken jaw! We click like Dorothy's red heels!

*

Me: I have been thinking about you all morning! How are you holding up? Are you tired enough to regret last night yet?

Him: Nice, I don't think I stopped thinking about you when we hung up. Well, I didn't realize it was daylights saving time, so I really only got like 3 hours of sleep. But it was more than worth it.

*

Him: Good morning, gorgeous! How excited are you for today?

*

Him (When we were talking about how our relationship was going to be a long distance one): Well, I'm not above moving myself for the right person . . .

*

Him: I think we compliment each other in the best possible way. Like peanut butter and jelly.

Him (Same day): I'm serious. I really do think we are going to be so great together.

*

Me: Remember that scale we've set up? Well, you've moved from a 3 to a 7. And if that freaks you out, we should cool it for a bit.

Him: Yeah, a 7, huh? Hmmmm, why would I want to cool it? I'm standing right there with you.

*

Him: So, you're like really into me, huh?

Me: I'm really, really into you. I told you.

Him: Nice! Good, I like it that you are that into me because I am equally into you. I wasn't sure if I should say anything because I didn't want to spook and lose ya. You're a great catch.

*

Him: I'm not going anywhere, Cortney. You have me wrapped around your finger at this point. I don't plan on breaking your heart EVER! That's a promise.

*

Him: Good morning, baby girl.

*

Him: What are you up to?

Me: Reading an article that actually makes me think of you. ;)

Him: Ahh, Studs Weekly. A look at good looking studs across the US. Yeah, I could see how you're thinking of me.

Me: It's a study about cocky men and how bachelorhood only encourages their pompous and egotistical behavior. The only cure is to date a super awesome female. You. Are. Welcome.

Him: Really? Well, shit. That makes sense, too. I didn't realize you thought of me that way.

Me: Lol. You wanna know what I really think? I think I got so lucky that I'm almost scared to believe it. I scored. That's what I think.

Him: Phewwww. Haha. Well, it's a two way street. I feel about as lucky as I can feel. You're something else, Cortney. I'm glad I stumbled across you.

*

Me: You're cute just a tad.

Him: You're gorgeous just a ton . . .

*

Him (After I asked if he was attracted to me right away): I thought you were gorgeous from the get-go. It's grown ten fold as I get to know the girl behind the pretty face, though. I really, really, really like your personality. It fits me almost perfectly and that's what I like more than anything.

*

Him: I am very fortunate to have someone like you in my life. I'll be sure to never take you for granted. That would be a total loss for me.

*

Me: You better not pull a bait and switch on me. A big part of this attraction is how incredibly sweet you are. Not that I expect the "courting" stage to stay this "deep" forever, but I'm the type who can keep it going on some level forever.

Him: It will go on as long as it's appreciated and reciprocated, which you seem to have no problem doing. Who says puppy love can't last forever?

And that's all I'm going to share right now. I seriously think you get the point. For the record, it wasn't all cheese. But I loved it when it was.

Reading that last text exchange is where realization hit me, and I went from feeling happiness to deep sorrow. That part of this relationship is what I've been holding on to. And I realized in that moment that it's gone. Probably for good. It's time for me to let it go. But it's more than just that aspect of our relationship that is gone. We've lost some crucial pieces.

Blame it on unfortunate timing.

Blame it on thyroid problems and hormone changes.

Blame it on insecurities and fear of commitment.

Blame it on "backup plans".

Ultimately it doesn't matter what you blame it on. The facts are still the facts. I pushed until he left.

I have to let it go.

What's That From? Avatar?

Aubrey and I have been working out hard every. single. day. And I think we're finally getting somewhere. I'm still way fatter than I care to be, but at least I'm STARTING to get my abs back. Here's a picture of our progress. (I cut our faces out to protect my under-age baby sister. I was making a retarded face, anyway.)

I'm the one on the left with the unfortunately large boobs. Haha.

We (Aubs and I) played Just Dance for an hour today. Which replaced our usual workout . . . I think. Shortly after we finished, I began quoting a part of our ab workout video.

"You can't just do situps; that's a lie. You have to burn the fat off the muscles if you want to see them."

Then Hailee walks into the room and says,

"What's that from? Avatar?"

Aubs and I look at each other and bust a gut.

Hailee is hilarious.

Fact.

Yesterday I made $11 in tips between the hours of 7 and 11 a.m.. I'd say that's not too shabby. Especially since I got to keep it all to myself. Today I made $1.01 in 10 hours. Haha. Oh well.

I went and had another facial yesterday. It. Was. Heaven. Only two more (that I pre-paid for). Sad.

I have the tiniest, cutest little min pin pup at my house right now. She's the fattest pup I've ever had (the only one in her litter) and she's absolutely adorable. She hardly makes any noise. The only time she really makes any noise at all is when she is nursing. She sounds just like a human baby (how they kinda squeak/grunt, you know?).

I've turned down 4 dates this week. I'm surprisingly unsure how I feel about that. Good, I guess.

I watched the movie The Vow two nights ago. I had no idea what it was about, I had only heard people talking about it so I decided to watch it. It depressed me.

I'm missing Z a little bit. Sometimes I think that maybe breaking up with him wasn't the best idea after all. We still talk, but it isn't the same.

I'm mildly addicted to the show Heroes. Why do I start watching these shows in the first place? Damn you, Netflix. You make me lazy.

My workouts are still coming along. I'm still doing at least an hour and a half worth of work each day. It's still kicking my ass. I usually have to take a nap after my third workout. My weight hasn't budged a pound. Ugh.

I just got done with a 10 hour shift. Now I'm going to go home, do my ab workout and kick back for the rest of the day. Maybe text some boys. We'll see if any text me first.

Still Soft.

I went out and rode my parent's new horses today. I don't think I've been on a horse since I was 15 (maybe even a couple of years younger than that). It was kinda fun. I don't know that I'm going to go hit any trails with one anytime soon, but it wasn't too bad riding one around the pasture. I even got up the nerve to lope her.

You have to understand, I was thrown from a horse when I was really young and it scarred me. I know that you're supposed to just "get back up and right back on", but I totally didn't. Here is the experience from my perspective:

I'm out riding my horse, Sadie. I had been riding her around the corral, but decided to take her out onto the gravel road while I was waiting for my grandpa and my dad to get their horses saddled so we could go for a ride. Well . . . Sadie (aka Satan) decided that she had had enough of me being on top of her and she started crow hopping. I, in a panic, drop the reigns and that's when everything turns white and starts moving in slow motion. I look over to my dad, yell "help" and watch as he slowly (though not really -- it just seemed like it) made his way toward me.

Anyway . . . I ended up hitting my head and my hip on rocks and woke up on the couch already crying. I had apparently gone into shock. That was my horse riding story. (Have I told this one on here already? Seems like I have . . .)

So . . . it was fun and interesting to get back on a horse today. Especially because she is a little spirited. Woohoo.

Also . . . I have been working my @$$ off and I'm finally starting to see some results. I still have a ways to go, but I am feeling a little better about life. Brace yourselves . . . I'm going to show you some pics of my abs. (I'm wearing my belly-dancing outfit. Haha.)

So . . . as you can see by that first pic, I still have quite a bit of "meat" around my hips and stomach that I need to shed. I'm flexing in the second pic so I don't look AS soft (but still obviously soft). Sorry the quality on them is so bad. They were taken in a mirror in a basement with low lighting. That's the best I could do. :-/ Oh! Also . . . no, I didn't cut my hair. Yes, it still touches my hip bones. It's pulled up a little ways in that second pic. ;)

Alright. I'm going to go call a boy!