When Z was here visiting, I took him into Hastings and we ran into a good buddy of mine named Josh. As Josh and I were talking, Z walked away and sat down to watch some sports. Josh made the comment that none of the guys I date ever like him. In fact, they often times want to fight him. (It's actually true . . . haha. I think it's because Josh and I have great chemistry and other guys pick up on that. Thing is, J and I are strictly friends, as we've always been.)
Anyway, bearing that in mind -- A few weeks ago I walked back into Hastings and Josh was there. I had my little dog, Levi, with me and he instantly started growling at J, so J made the comment that Levi is just one more "man" in my life who hates him. Then we proceeded to talk a little bit about some of the guys I've dated, and somehow the conversation went in such a direction that Josh ended up calling me a "player" and a "maneater".
Ouch!
I, of course, denied those allegations fervently, to which he replied with, "How's that guy you brought in here the other day? Still happily together?"
. . . . . . Damn it! (At the time Josh predicted I'd "break the man's heart" within two months.)
So I had to tell him that, no . . . we are not in fact still together. J asked what happened, so I had to tell him that I broke things off shortly after my trip to Montana. Then I quickly added that I actually regret it, though.
J said it didn't matter. I'm a "maneater". When I denied it again, he asked if the guy will still talk to me.
Nope.
Apparently that fact solidified his argument.
Even though J was saying it in fun, he still meant it. And it cut me pretty deep because I really don't like that about myself. I don't like to think of myself as a "maneater" or a "player", but I do realize that I skip out on relationships a lot.
Becky and I were talking the other day about my lingering feelings for Z, and we decided that they might be because he actually walked away from me. Even though I technically broke up with him, he's still the one who cut me off all the way (because I pushed for that). And Becky's right . . . That just doesn't happen to me too often. Not because I'm such a great catch that no guy would dream of dumping me, but rather because I tend to run away before they can even find a reason to break up with me. Haha. Anyway, so my feelings for Z may just be this need to chase?? Is that possible? I guess I'll never know . . .
Then, this morning, I woke up to this email.
Anyway, bearing that in mind -- A few weeks ago I walked back into Hastings and Josh was there. I had my little dog, Levi, with me and he instantly started growling at J, so J made the comment that Levi is just one more "man" in my life who hates him. Then we proceeded to talk a little bit about some of the guys I've dated, and somehow the conversation went in such a direction that Josh ended up calling me a "player" and a "maneater".
Ouch!
I, of course, denied those allegations fervently, to which he replied with, "How's that guy you brought in here the other day? Still happily together?"
. . . . . . Damn it! (At the time Josh predicted I'd "break the man's heart" within two months.)
So I had to tell him that, no . . . we are not in fact still together. J asked what happened, so I had to tell him that I broke things off shortly after my trip to Montana. Then I quickly added that I actually regret it, though.
J said it didn't matter. I'm a "maneater". When I denied it again, he asked if the guy will still talk to me.
Nope.
Apparently that fact solidified his argument.
Even though J was saying it in fun, he still meant it. And it cut me pretty deep because I really don't like that about myself. I don't like to think of myself as a "maneater" or a "player", but I do realize that I skip out on relationships a lot.
Becky and I were talking the other day about my lingering feelings for Z, and we decided that they might be because he actually walked away from me. Even though I technically broke up with him, he's still the one who cut me off all the way (because I pushed for that). And Becky's right . . . That just doesn't happen to me too often. Not because I'm such a great catch that no guy would dream of dumping me, but rather because I tend to run away before they can even find a reason to break up with me. Haha. Anyway, so my feelings for Z may just be this need to chase?? Is that possible? I guess I'll never know . . .
Then, this morning, I woke up to this email.
I heard this song today and instantly thought of you because of the lyrics. I think you should take a good, hard listen, Gem. I think they suit you. Or, rather, your "story". --Matty
This is the song:
This is the song:
:(
He wrote me a really sweet email to go along with it (I don't care to share that on here just now, though). But still . . . that's really sad that boys think of me when they hear that song.
I've got to change.
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