Alright. I'm off to work. But I would give anything to just be able to crawl back into bed and sleep forever. I am so stressed and the worst part of it is, it's all hormonal, so there isn't anything I can really do to fix it until this whole process is over. Just one more week. I just need to get through one more week with all the pieces of my life still in tact. Then I'll be normal again and everything will be fine.
I hate not feeling like myself. Is there any worse feeling? Seriously. I don't think so. I've been stressed and paranoid . . . grumpy and depressed. None of those traits are mine by nature.
I'm scared I'm going to lose my boy over it. It wouldn't be so bad if I hadn't let myself fall for him so hard, but I did . . . and now he's seeing a side to me that doesn't really exist. I'm scared he's going to "wake up" and "realize" he isn't into me, but if that happens, it won't really be me he isn't in to. I don't want to lose him over something that isn't even real. The "me" he spent a few months getting to know is the real me. I'll just have to prove it to him when he comes to visit in May.
I've got so many friends trying to analyze my relationship with Zach. And no one really gives me positive feedback. It hurts! I feel like maybe I'm not describing the situation quite right. So I finally gave up talking to anyone about it at all. And that hurts, too. Hence the reason I blog about it so much. I just really, really care about this one. I don't want to screw it up, but I feel like I already have. I am SO mad at myself for spending Easter with Daniel. Even though it was totally innocent, nothing has been the same with Z since then. He's been "out". He doesn't send the adorable, flirty texts that he used to. He misses our dates pretty often (but I don't think he even realizes it). Simply put: He doesn't seem as in to me as he was. And I guess that's totally fair.
My fault.
If I wasn't in the place I am right now, I'd be better equipped to ride it out and see what happens, but it's like I need those things from him right now more than I would normally. I need him to go through the actions as well as just say the words (that he still feels the same about me as he always has).
Like I said -- One more week and then I'll be fine. I've just got to keep it together until then. I can still fix this.
Thank heavens this is the very last time I have to go through this crap with my thyroid. I don't think I could handle it again. It blows.
Alright -- I'm putting a big ol' smile on my face and heading to work. :D
I hate not feeling like myself. Is there any worse feeling? Seriously. I don't think so. I've been stressed and paranoid . . . grumpy and depressed. None of those traits are mine by nature.
I'm scared I'm going to lose my boy over it. It wouldn't be so bad if I hadn't let myself fall for him so hard, but I did . . . and now he's seeing a side to me that doesn't really exist. I'm scared he's going to "wake up" and "realize" he isn't into me, but if that happens, it won't really be me he isn't in to. I don't want to lose him over something that isn't even real. The "me" he spent a few months getting to know is the real me. I'll just have to prove it to him when he comes to visit in May.
I've got so many friends trying to analyze my relationship with Zach. And no one really gives me positive feedback. It hurts! I feel like maybe I'm not describing the situation quite right. So I finally gave up talking to anyone about it at all. And that hurts, too. Hence the reason I blog about it so much. I just really, really care about this one. I don't want to screw it up, but I feel like I already have. I am SO mad at myself for spending Easter with Daniel. Even though it was totally innocent, nothing has been the same with Z since then. He's been "out". He doesn't send the adorable, flirty texts that he used to. He misses our dates pretty often (but I don't think he even realizes it). Simply put: He doesn't seem as in to me as he was. And I guess that's totally fair.
My fault.
If I wasn't in the place I am right now, I'd be better equipped to ride it out and see what happens, but it's like I need those things from him right now more than I would normally. I need him to go through the actions as well as just say the words (that he still feels the same about me as he always has).
Like I said -- One more week and then I'll be fine. I've just got to keep it together until then. I can still fix this.
Thank heavens this is the very last time I have to go through this crap with my thyroid. I don't think I could handle it again. It blows.
Alright -- I'm putting a big ol' smile on my face and heading to work. :D
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